1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,960
Erm...
All green and slimy,

2
00:00:02,960 --> 00:00:04,960
with googly eyes.

3
00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:07,960
With googly eyes and little thingies
that go up in the air

4
00:00:07,960 --> 00:00:10,960
with round bits on the end.
Antennae.

5
00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:13,960
Yeah.
With a spaceship.

6
00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:14,960
Ooh!

7
00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:37,960
I don't believe in aliens, really.

8
00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:42,160
I don't believe in strange people
and strange creatures and...

9
00:00:42,160 --> 00:00:45,640
strange anything, because...

10
00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:47,960
God wouldn't
create anything that's...

11
00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:49,960
not...perfect

12
00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:53,800
and that's abnormal and strange.

13
00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:57,960
No, I don't believe
there's alien life on this planet.

14
00:00:57,960 --> 00:00:59,960
I believe there's something, but...

15
00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:02,960
We don't know what.
..what, we don't know.

16
00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:05,960
I believe there's something
we've not been told about.

17
00:01:05,960 --> 00:01:08,960
What do you mean, "If aliens
existed"? Aliens DO exist!

18
00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:11,320
Everybody knows aliens exist.

19
00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:17,960
I think, if aliens existed, I would
think they're about that small...

20
00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:19,960
some of them.
These are the good ones.

21
00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:22,800
Erm...that small and, erm...

22
00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:26,960
they have quite a big head,
and they are very good at sums,

23
00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:29,960
and, erm...
they have small legs and arms.

24
00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:34,960
I've no idea what aliens would look
like. They could look like anything.

25
00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:36,960
They might just be a ball of gas,

26
00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:39,960
or an idea,
or a particular-coloured light.

27
00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:44,960
The whole conspiracy thing about
aliens is absolutely ridiculous.

28
00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:49,000
Why on earth... Why on earth would
they visit us to fly around

29
00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:52,960
in some farmer's back garden
in the back end of beyond in Suffolk,

30
00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:54,960
to just...bugger off again?

31
00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:57,960
It...It just doesn't make sense
whatsoever.

32
00:01:57,960 --> 00:01:59,960
And the whole thing about, erm...

33
00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:02,960
UFOs in the sky is...
is just beyond me.

34
00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:04,960
Well, what is a UFO?

35
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:09,960
You know what a UFO is!
What does it stand for?

36
00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:12,640
I can't remember.
Something... what is it?

37
00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:16,960
An Unidented Flying Object?

38
00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:22,960
No, I've never seen one of them.
I don't even know what one is.

39
00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:26,960
So anything that you don't identify
that flies past you is a...

40
00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:29,160
is...a UFO, isn't it?

41
00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:34,000
So basically, if it's a bird
that you don't recognise -

42
00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:37,960
"What's that?" You get the book out,
you can't identify it...

43
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:39,960
That was a UFO, wasn't it?

44
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,960
No. Now you're being silly.

45
00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:47,960
I've seen a UFO...

46
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:52,480
..at a time when UFOs
were being sighted in Lancashire.

47
00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:56,640
People were saying they had flying
saucers going over their rooftops

48
00:02:56,640 --> 00:02:57,960
in a suburb of Bolton,

49
00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:01,960
and one Manch- one news reporter
claimed to have taken a photograph,

50
00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:05,960
but whether it was a genuine photo
is another thing.

51
00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:09,960
I came beginning of May
in, er... 1984.

52
00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:11,960
Cos it's a beautiful planet.

53
00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:13,960
You can see it from quite far.

54
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:15,960
It looks very attractive.

55
00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:18,960
It's not as striking,
the difference,

56
00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:21,960
that...people expect, when they ask,

57
00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:24,000
"How different is it than home?"

58
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:28,960
I mean, you hate to lapse into
this whole stereotype about

59
00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:32,960
hm...how the English people are

60
00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:34,960
who live around me.

61
00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:40,160
We have radionic equipment which
we call spiritual energy radiators,

62
00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:45,960
which have been in operation now
for...over 30 years.

63
00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:50,960
Every unselfish action is potentised
by spiritual energy radiators.

64
00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:56,640
You have here shopping centres which
are community centres nowadays.

65
00:03:56,640 --> 00:04:00,800
People on Saturdays take children
to shopping centres like...

66
00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:04,960
Probably an element of Care In The
Community programmes they have now.

67
00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:07,960
They develop strong medication
so they can keep you quiet

68
00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:11,960
and you can just walk around and
look at the bright shiny things.

69
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,320
Yes.
Makes you happy.

70
00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:15,960
I mean,
they make these models of aliens.

71
00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:17,960
How can they make models of aliens

72
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:21,960
when they've never ever seen
an alien? Is that a fuss, you know?

73
00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:23,480
Yeah, but that's -
Yeah, but IS it?

74
00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:26,320
You're allowed to have
that imagination, aren't you?

75
00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:28,960
Yeah, but, I mean,
how can they mould an alien

76
00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:30,640
when they've not seen one?

77
00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:32,960
If you were asked,
what do they look like?

78
00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:34,960
I couldn't tell 'em,
cos I've never seen one.

79
00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:37,960
If they said, "Right,
what do you think it looks like?"

80
00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:40,960
Again, I couldn't tell you,
cos I don't know.

81
00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:44,960
Wouldn't you have a go, saying, I
think they'd look like this or that?

82
00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:46,960
Well, they could be two foot tall.

83
00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:49,960
Well, I think a lot of these...

84
00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:52,960
the portrayal of aliens comes from

85
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,960
people who say they've seen aliens,

86
00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:57,960
or they've been beamed up by aliens.

87
00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:00,160
Some of these stories
people come out with.

88
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:04,960
Do you think they are stories,
or do you think they're true?

89
00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:10,960
There's no doubt in my mind that
these people have had an experience.

90
00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:13,960
I think that's nonsense,
to be honest.

91
00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:16,960
I think people
have either had too much to drink

92
00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:19,960
or they've just got
very imaginative imaginations.

93
00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:22,960
I reckon they've been on some -
Whacky baccy.

94
00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:23,960
..whacky baccy stuff, I reckon,

95
00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:26,960
if they're saying
they've been abducted by it.

96
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:28,960
(CHUCKLES)
They glow in the dark, like!

97
00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:31,960
The first few months in this country

98
00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:35,960
I had to learn that you do not
kiss everybody to say hello...

99
00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:37,960
and I did with the postman.

100
00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:40,960
I opened the door - there was
the postman. I gave him kiss...

101
00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:43,480
on his cheek, twice, or whatever.

102
00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:46,960
And that was...
He was absolutely shocked, you know!

103
00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:49,960
I've LOVED the weather here.

104
00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:51,960
And I know that sounds crazy,

105
00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:54,960
because everyone always complains
about the weather here.

106
00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:57,960
But it's very temperate.

107
00:05:57,960 --> 00:05:59,960
Er...living in...in the city,

108
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:05,960
you hardly ever have a freeze,
and when you do have snow,

109
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:10,160
it's pretty and it melts when
it hits the ground, which is ideal.

110
00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:12,160
I reckon there's quite a few of them

111
00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:15,160
roaming around the planet
at the moment, you know.

112
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,160
Well, I think just the opposite.

113
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,960
Huh...Yeah?!
To be honest, I don't think,

114
00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:25,960
at this particular time,
aliens do NOT exist...

115
00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:30,960
Until someone comes up with
the proof that they are existing.

116
00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:35,000
There's a lot of proof that they
exist on other planets, isn't there?

117
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:40,960
You know, it may not be kind of like
we might be looking at sort of er...

118
00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:46,960
You know, either looking at things
in other dimensions -

119
00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:51,320
you know, other planes. Doesn't have
to be travelling long distances.

120
00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:54,960
You know, things like
the elves and the fairies.

121
00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,960
Whacky people! (CHUCKLES)

122
00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:03,960
Whacky people...

123
00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:06,960
Real strange!

124
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:09,960
SIREN

125
00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:12,000
This is home, you know.

126
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:15,960
Everything is a bit upside-down,
but tha-that's the way it is.

127
00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:19,960
But it IS becoming -
Slowly it's becoming level.

128
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:22,960
I've learned that
it's very important to be polite.

129
00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:24,160
Yes.
You have to remember to say

130
00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:26,960
certain amount
of thank-yous and sorrys.

131
00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:29,960
You have to say sorry to people
you shouldn't really say -

132
00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:32,960
you walk on the street
and a person walks in front of you -

133
00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:36,960
Yes. - and suddenly those two people
perform a dance, saying sorry, sorry

134
00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:38,960
and you don't know
which way to move. Yes.

135
00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:42,960
That was something which I...
I felt a bit bemused by that.

136
00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:45,960
Yes.

137
00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:47,960
Mainly...

138
00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:50,960
I just watch Jeremy Paxman.

139
00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:54,960
Nah. As to whether
they've visited us or not...

140
00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:58,960
..recently, I couldn't tell you.

141
00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:00,960
GROWLS

142
00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:02,960
They might of!
MIAOW!

143
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:05,960
I mean, who's to say
they ain't here now?

144
00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:13,960
My theory is
we came from another planet.

145
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,960
(ALL CHUCKLE)

146
00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:28,960
It's just... No, it's just pants.
I don't believe in it.

147
00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:45,960
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